Friday, July 12, 2013

Alice can't find her rabbit hole


This morning I woke up to the sound of my parents talking over their normal Friday morning coffee. As usual I catch myself listening to them share information about one another's life, rather than falling back asleep as I wish to do every morning (even during school). In some alternative universe I imagine myself as some sort of sleep goddess...Nothing to abnormal. I’m sure other peoples parents have some sort of alternative to my parent's morning coffee consultations, but to explain why parent do this so frequent, my dad is always working and my mom is (mostly) a stay at home mom. A majority of the time my dad is either out of the house working or sleeping because of the late hours he works on his second job, Fridays are the only regular  days he has off from work. Another secret reason they talk this early might have something to do with my still sleeping little sisters, they might know I listen in they might not I honestly don't care.

Anyway...Like always I only start paying attention when our family matters is the main object of the conversation. 

My name slipped into the conversation. Lately my mom has been talking about my fall extra-curricular, in other words what I'm going to do with the "black hole" of time I have between my never done homework (which by the way I signed up for 2-3 Honors classes and 1 AP class) and girl scouts (We've stopped going to the regular meetings so it's only time before I quit).

I honestly don't know what I want to do either; it's to the point where my parents are making the choice without me. I've expressed my interest in computer related careers before; my dictating mother just doesn't think any of my ideas are "heavenly spotlight" great, nothing more than another crumbled piece of paper next to the hypothetic trash bin. I heard Mother mentioning unhealthy and computers in the same sentence, I almost cried.

My mom’s opinion of extra-curricular is time filler with benefits. Of course computers can fill that spot, but she just doesn't like it as much as I do, mom Im sorry my future is enviably going to be computer related, I guarantee that in my generation somebody is going to invent flying cars. (Easier said than done, right generation Ys?)

I know when she says unhealthy she means exercise, normally I would play rec. soccer (recreational). I used to believe someday I'd be Mia Hamm good, and that by sophomore year I would have Varsity in the bag. What killed my light? Our local leagues' "alpha" soccer tryouts. Of course it's not called that, but to make it more understandable to pretty much everyone else that doesn't play in my home town's rec. soccer league. The tryouts where tough, and I didn't make it. I over estimated my super powers and un-heroically I sat in the corner of the room and cried. 

On that note, soccer was just something I did in my "free time". To be a soccer super star you need the correct knowledge of soccer, something that only a few people know. Hopping into the league like I tried almost never works, you have to join when you’re younger, and hardly anyone thinks about being a proper Mia Hamm at the correct age. It's really stupid; everyone is being belittled by the program. I promised myself to try again next year (but only if I was still interested in soccer by then).

The other day one of my mom’s friends suggested that instead I should work for something different all together, getting a job. Anyone my age wouldn't pass this up, working for money. MONEY! I could do so much if i just had a little more money in my life...But one does not simply walk into a store and ask for a job. Or a fast food restaurant. Or anywhere. That’s my problem. I don't know where I would work. A start decision would be to work somewhere that could open a door for my future...and unhelpfully I still don't know where I want to work in the future, I don't have the bittiest of a clue. Another smart decision would be to work where you could get any sort of discount, a useful discount at that.

Can we just assume I don't have my life together enough to even come close to this? After all, I started this blog as personalized way to understand how to organize my thoughts. Not also to mention I made this to work on my horrible grammar. I’m still stuck. Please oh please mom! DON'T sign me up for golf lessons!

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